Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
