I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
