Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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