so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
