Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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