We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
