I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
