Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
