Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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