I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
