Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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