the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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