mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm like, not good at living.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
