i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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