just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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