Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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