I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
