some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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