Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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