I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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