do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
