I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
