Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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