we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
