my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
