I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
