Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
