well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
