went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
