you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Let's get the cat blown out
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
