I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and she was petting her beer can
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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