You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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