Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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