I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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