Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
