You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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