At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
