Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
