Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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