i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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