I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
