just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
there is puke in my bra ... again
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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