I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think I won the penis lottery.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
