I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
