girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
