Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
