he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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