Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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