Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
