sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
