im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
