hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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