i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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