Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
