So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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