I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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