its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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